My daughter loves watching TV. I allow her to watch Disney Junior even before she turned one year old. She is the master of the remote control and has her favorite shows now. One of them: Jake and The Neverland Pirates. Jake is one of the first Disney characters that Mila had recognized. I think it's because his name is easy to say. There's also at least one catchy tune each episode that my music-lover girl would not miss.
When she turned two, Mila started saying "Never" just like how Captain Hook would say it. She'd normally say it when she is pretending to be mad or when we're asking her to take her afternoon nap or take her favorite shirt off. She looks so cute saying never like a pirate but I just had to be a parent. It's not a habit she should keep. Saying "No" for EVERYTHING TO ANNOY MOMMY, is a phase that most toddlers go through. My Mila just do it the pirate way. It's also a phase that can be quick and less annoying.
How I Stopped My Daughter From Saying No or Never All The Time
Give Options
I understand that saying no/never is a toddler's way of asserting themselves. It is a developmental sign that shows your child is on her way to becoming an independent person. She is simply using her new found power - making decisions. To avoid the power struggle and encourage her to continue on this path of self-reliance, we found ways on how she can feel like she is the decision maker. We give her options.
Instead of saying: "Let's change you clothes now", I say "Do you want to wear the pink dress or the blue shirt?". She makes the decision and you get what you want.
Set Expectations
Little kids likes consistency and hates being interrupted. If you suddenly ask them to stop playing to take a bath, the immediate response will be a big No. Set their expectations.
"Honey, let's take a bath after you watch Jake, ok?" She knows that when the credits roll, it's time to move. No sudden interruption, no fights.
Have Them Do Favors For You
Your kid loves you to the moon and back. They want to please you. If you want them to do things they hate, do not command them. Ask them to do if for you as a favor.
Instead of saying: "Put away your toys now", I say "Can you help mom clean up by putting your toys in the box? It will make me so happy."
Distract Her
Sometimes, No is just an automatic response toddlers will give you.
"Mila, come here"
"No"
"Come here now!"
"Never"
"Please?"
"Never"
"Why?"
"Beecoz akbcasjva ascbajcva baksucvak" (I know she gave her reasons, I just can't understand yet)
"Ok, I understand. But I need you to go here to mommy, ok?"
"Ok po!"
Changing the question, or giving her something else to do or think about, will stop the pattern of no. She'd forget the resistance and may not realize she is already saying Yes.
Choose Your Battles
Mila and I always fight during mealtime. She just won't eat when she does not want to. Whatever food it could be, even if it is an old favorite, she'd refuse it. I've since learned to choose my battles.
If it's meal time and she does not want to eat or seat on the table with us, I just let her. Sometimes, I give her options to eat what we have or she can just have rice and soup. If it's still a No, then I let it go. She may be full or just simply not ready. She will eat eventually. I noticed she eats a lot more if I let her have her meal on her own time.
If it's something that will put her at risk though, then her No's just won't cut it. If I ask her to hold my hands while crossing the street, I become the boss and no amount of refusal will be accepted. Safety first.
Talk to Her
Young
kids copy what they see. The show Jake and The Neverland Pirates is
generally a great show that promotes good values but it maybe too much
for a two year old to differentiate between who is good and who is bad.
All she knows is that she is copying a catch phrase on
the show. This is when parental guidance place a very important role on any of your kid's activities.
I sat down and explained that Captain Hook does bad things and she needs to copy the good guys only.
The word never is ok sometimes but it's not a nice thing to say all the
time. When she says Never or No for no valid reason, I ask her if it's nice. She knows it's not and she'll stop.
Also realize that
No and Never is not always bad. A child needs to say no appropriately. Someone's giving her softdrinks. "No thanks." Eat the toy food. "No, pretend only." A stranger wants to carry her. "No please." Someone wants to touch her private parts. "Never."
With constant reminder and practice, any toddler can easily outgrow the refusal phase. Mila still says no occasionally but it does not annoy mommy anymore. I know she just have her own preferences now. She is starting to be a woman who knows how to make decisions for herself. *Sob*
On a side note, the shirt Mila is wearing is from Desiree of
Caprichosa. I found her in Facebook earlier in the year. I ordered a few clothes for Mila which she sent with lots of free books. Something for mommy too, yey. During this summer's
Babypalooza, we stopped by a booth selling beautiful tutu dresses. Of course, we just had to get a few of them for the kikay princess. When the seller handed me her business card, I realized it was her and I was glad to be able to thank her in person. She recognized Mila more than she recognized me. Not surprised at all. As we were about to go, Mila saw the Jake terno shirt hanging on display. She kept calling out the characters as we go, punctuating each word with Wows. We were already a few booths away and Desiree catched up to us, handed Mila the shirt and said she wants to give it as a gift. She is just too sweet. So if you want good quality, locally made clothes for your kids at the most affordable price, visit her online store or catch her in her next bazaar. Tell her I said hi when you talk to her.
