Working Mom's Musings

The little girl making pacute because she is wearing a pretty "dress".
It's just my scarf wrapped around her waist. #toddlerimagination
Tonight, I woke up to prepare to go to work and found myself alone with Mila. Got me thinking a few things.

She was just there hugging me, waiting for me to wake up. She looks like she just woke up herself. As soon as she saw my eyes open, her own eyes beamed with joy. "Finally!", her smile told me.

My family takes care of Mila while I'm at work. Tonight, my parents went on a date and my sister is staying out late on a Friday night. I started prepping up, hoping my mom and dad will be home soon. As I dress up, Mila and I had a conversation:

Mila: Mom, you're going to work?
Mom: Yes honey.
Mila: Why?
Mom: So I can earn money.
Mila: Why?
Mom: So I can provide for your needs.
Mila: But why?
Mom: Because we need to buy your food, milk, clothes, and toys.
Mila: Oh OK.

This exchange is on repeat five days a week. After a few minutes...

Mila: Mom, are you going now?
Mom: Yes honey.
Mila: But how about me?
Mom: Mama Carmen will be home soon.
Mila: Awwww. I'm sad.
Mom: Why
Mila: Because you're not here. I'm alone.


The other day, I read a post from the Facebook group: Glam-O-Mamas. Another member laments how she feels so guilty wanting to work to have "more". She want not just the financial freedom of working but she feels like she wants more for herself than just being a mother. She wants a career.

I can very much relate. We used to explore the idea of me being a stay-at-home mom so I can give more time to Mila. But I know deep in my hearts that I will not be completely happy. Not that I have the most glamorous job or the most fulfilling, world-changing work. I just know that I will always have that what if if I drop my career like a hot potato, knowing I can do more. Now, aside from the fact that I need a job to provide for Mila, I also love to keep my job because I am happy here! 

I have moments of doubts. Like when Mila is sick and I had to leave her side to report for work. Or when I was so tired I could not keep my eyes open to see Mila's new dance. I wanted to quit when I thought work was taking too much from our family. But I held on. I am a mother but I am also a person of my own.

Mila will always be my priority, there's no question with that. But my life is a pie. Mila takes the biggest slice. Sometimes though, I need to put that slice down to take a bite at the smaller slice. I may miss bringing Mila to play dates sometimes. I may have to skip a dance practice or reschedule a doctor's appointment. I may need to spend a lot of time at work. But time with Mila will always be magical. I try my best to give my full attention to her when we are together. Each song merits a round of applause. Each word is heard and understood, no matter how hard it is to decipher. Each boo boo receives a kiss, even if they're just made up. We can spend just 30 minutes together in a day, and that's spent making lasting memories. That gives me strength to go forward. 

Now, who can say no to a girl who just wants to spend a few more minutes with her mom? I can definitely stay and be late for work for an hour or two, if that means I can keep her safe and happy. It paid off well too. While she eats her cereal for dinner (yes, she can eat breakfast food if she wants to), she suddenly blurted out something I was surprised to hear. I had to have her repeat what she said and I was not mistaken. Check out the video I posted in Instagram. It was wonderful to hear her give words to her dreams! My articulate little girl. Another lasting memory made in a few minutes! Priceless!

Now I'm able to go to work with a Happy Heart! :)

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